How the Fire was Set

She was a girl that got too attached,
When she thought no one will ever match,
Triggered darkness, sadness and pain,
Oh, how it hurts, it never wanes.

She was a girl who tried to forget,
Tried rekindling the light that was once broken,
Hours, days, years has passed,
The light never worked, it seems it was a bust.

Soon, it worsened 'til it dragged her down,
Her thoughts a day were making her drown,
Some say everyone has the cure,
She believed, and in the end she was fooled.

Enough! enough of these lies,
When it was nothing but the cause of the fire,
It will get better, she says so herself,
Feeding herself lies again, and again.

Her head up high, moving forward with herself,
Escaping to the other side on the shelf,
One day she thought it wasn't enough,
Still ended at the same miserable hole she went.

She kept blaming herself, how messed up was she,
Tired and confused, her mind like a banshee,
She thought she was really out of her mind,
Nothing else to think of on how to unwind.

Many have lost it, can't handle the pain,
She kept wondering why her white-dress unstained,
Someone keeps telling, just hold on,
Someone above the skies who keeps on watching.

She thought of it and promised not to act,
She thinks the dark is only playing in fact,
But how long, this agony will pursue?
She kept hoping it won't let her be consumed.

22

So, I just turned twenty-two last Saturday. Nothing's changed. Well, still hoping to feel...normal. Anyway, only had a small "family-only" gathering minus my dad since he was on travel, when it was supposed to be a "family-and-closest-friends-only" gathering but, as they said, they were off for the weekend. I'm not complaining, it's totally fine. The fewer the better. Nevertheless, I don't even like celebrating. Yeah, I sound so negative lol. But believe me when I say, I am grateful for another year of existence and I wish for a longer life, to experience what's to come. Cheers!

Ego

Today, I have been thinking about yesterday. When I easily let my ego get struck by words; that I thought were like knives. I have that problem which leads to my insecurity, and then turns into anxiety, and depression. How do I get rid of this side of me? I keep telling myself to stop being so pessimistic, not to let words bring me down. But it is too hard for me. Too much fear of being judged by the people around me with their thoughts or words, or even with their stares alone. I have been on this cycle for years now. Worst case scenario was when I wallowed myself in self-pity for a year. Surprised to say that I'm still standing despite being so tired. But for how long? How long am I able to cope with this? I need help.